You know that good old saying about how history repeats itself? Well, I have to admit that I’m completely sick of it happening in my life. I don’t know why after all the lessons learned that for some reason I’m drawn to the bad. I end up finding the person or job or situation that has no respect or understanding of me. I give too much of myself to people and things that aren’t worth it. To people and things that don’t care for me back. The past three years have been turbulent to say the least. I think that I quickly forget about everything that has happened and the amount of damage it caused. I move to quickly and I am always on the run. It is so easy to lose track of everything when you are in a different time zone each week. And to be honest, I thought I could run from the past and leave it behind with no consequence. Well from me to you, it doesn’t work. Those dark times follow you unless you really deal with them. I have not dealt with mine. I ran because I wasn’t sure how to deal with it all. I couldn’t answer my questions as to why it happened or why I let it. I know why I stay in things even when they are completely destroyed. But that is just what I know to do. I don’t quit, whether that is beneficial in anyway or not. I realized recently that I need to quit the bad. I need to be there for the people who matter in my life. I need to cut out the people who don’t. I need to heal up. I need to face what happened. I need to give myself as much as I give other people. That might sound really bazaar but I think I prefer to make everyone else happier than me. I would be there for anyone I loved in a second. I would get on a plane, train, or drive as far as necessary. But who would do that for me back? You, you are the person I need to keep in my world. It is time to erase the expectations of people, because they will dissapoint one hundred percent of the time. I will miss him very much, but he wasn’t mine. I will miss the idea of what the future might have held, but he isn’t mine. I will miss the messages sent everyday, but he’s no longer mine. He was truly never mine, and that was decided from the first tortilla chip. So why did I decide to invest anymore energy after that first night? I guess I’m some form of a hopeless romantic. But enough of all this. I don’t want to look at all that social media to continue to feel inadequate. I am very much adequate and qualified to have someone respect and care for me back the way I do them. Call that what you want, I don’t need to label it. I want to make someone happy and feel loved. I want someone to make me happy and feel loved.

Period.

The end.